8 Red Flags to Detect on Your First Date
The dating game is fraught with dangers, some of which can be emotionally hazardous and others which can merely be a waste of your time. Learning to read the subtle signs of behavior that reveal troublesome issues can save you both time and heartache in your quest to find the perfect mate. Here are some signs that can be a red flag for caution, or at least, a cause for looking more carefully before investing in a relationship:
1 – A Focus on Money
Someone who demonstrates a constant obsession with money, making money, purchasing expensive objects or using expensive objects as measures of peoples’ worth, can be a bad bet over the long term. You may find yourself in a relationship where your only worth is in how much money you can earn, or one in which forging relationships with others is only based on what they have and how much they make.
2 – Anger Issues
If the conversation frequently turns to stories of conflict and vengeance, the individual is likely to have profound anger issues that play out in their everyday lives on a regular basis. If you continue to form a relationship with the person, you may find that yourself constantly caught up in arguments, accusations or demands to take sides against some other party. This type of behavior can be exhausting and unhelpful to your life’s goals. In some cases, it can even indicate an abusive personality that will eventually act out in a physical way.
3 – Control Issues
If you are peppered with questions on what you are doing and why you are doing it while on a date, you may be in the company of a control freak. These individuals cannot relinquish control of situations, whether or not it applies to them personally. It can be a highly annoying behavior and may be completely incompatible with your own style, if you are accustomed to doing what your want, the way you want.
4 – Lack of Goals
A laid-back personality can be nice to be around to provide a feeling of acceptance and affection. However, when it is teamed up with a lack of clear goals and an inability to plan for the future, it can be a sign of a personality that is stuck in an earlier stage of development. This person may not be inclined to form a real partnership and may leave you to provide the income and energy to keep life going. A healthy relationship requires a sense that you can rely on the other person to carry his or her own load in life, as much as possible. If not, you will be doing the bulk of the heavy lifting.
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5 – Stories of Self-Sabotage
Everyone is entitled to a mistake, especially in the younger years. However, if you find yourself listening to a series of tales about rehab, DUI, divorces and other disasters, you may be dealing with a person who is tied to a habit of self-sabotage. These individuals generally have a number of psychological issues that they must tackle on their own before they can fully participate in a healthy relationship.
6 – Clinging
Early signs of familiarity, $e*ual contact or neediness can be a sign of a clingy personality that will require constant attention and reassurance. These individuals can be highly manipulative and emotionally unstable. If you prefer a more mutually independent type of relationship, avoid these individuals at all costs.
7 – Constant Reference to Mother or Family Members
Although close bonds to family are generally considered a sign of good emotional and psychological health, excessive references to family members in conversation can be an indicator of an “enmeshed” family system that can indicate that all your actions and interactions may require filtering through the family system if the relationship proceeds. This can be a deal-breaker for many people who are not accustomed to the intense interactions of large families or families that have cultural expectations of this kind of closeness.
8 – Highly Critical of Others
High standards are great to cultivate, but when this tendency is demonstrated through criticism of everyone and everything, it can be a sign of deeply insecure personalities that need to find fault with others in order to reassure themselves. You will easily become pulled into the circle of having your every idea and action criticized, or you will be encouraged to go along with criticizing others. This behavior can be a sign of profound incompatibility if you are a more tolerant person, accepting of differences in others.
These signs can indicate an incompatibility that may not be able to be overcome. Save yourself some time and trouble by looking for these red flags before you become more invested in the relationship.