3 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Love Life and How to Fix It ASAP
Falling in love is one of the life’s greatest mysteries and deepest joys, but it can also be a breeding ground for self-doubt, negativity, and jealousy. Whether you’re in a relationship or coming up empty in your search for your soulmate, there are plenty of ways that you may be ruining a good thing without even realizing it. Here are three ways that you could be sabotaging your love life and simple steps that you can take to fix things and get back on track.
You Put Yourself First in the Relationship
There is no rank system in love. Far too many women enter the dating arena with a privileged mentality, and the skewed representation of feminism on social media has led even more women to think that they deserve to be number one all the time. While you should never settle for anything less than being treated like you’re worth a million bucks, you should never demand it either. When someone loves you, they will want to put you at the top of their priorities. The only catch is that you have to be willing to do the same with them.
Plenty of relationships end with broken hearts and bitter words tossed around behind one another’s backs. Many times you’ll find men complaining that his ex was selfish, overbearing and bossy, constantly placing her needs over his and demanding that she be treated like she’s a queen. Unless your face is on the United Kingdom’s currency, you aren’t royalty and shouldn’t expect to be treated as such. A relationship is about being loved equally in your own unique ways.
If you feel like you constantly need to be placed on a pedestal and worshiped, it’s time to do some introspection and figure out where the desire is coming from. You may have been hurt and severely undervalued in past relationships or been deprived of support and attention from family growing up. Start to recognize your strong qualities and make it an effort to identify them with your partner. Knowing reasons why you want to be appreciated and loved, as well as why you love someone else, will level the playing field and leave you both happier.
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You Can’t Get Over the Past
Whether you can’t fully open up with your current SO or squashing any potential before it has a chance to go anywhere, holding onto the past is a surefire way to ruin any relationship. It’s natural for human beings to build walls when they’ve been hurt; it’s a defense mechanism and we’re right not to immediately trust everyone with our hearts after a couple nice dates. But if you’re constantly living in fear of being cheated on because your past relationships have ended due to infidelity or fear that opening up to someone will cause them to leave, then it’s time to start forcing ourselves to be vulnerable in small steps. It won’t be easy, but as you slowly ease the splinters of the past from your heart, you’ll be more open to the idea of love and stop projecting the wrongdoings of others and the unhappiness of past relationships onto new people in your life.
You Change Yourself to Be Liked
It’s normal to want to look our best and say all the right things that will have our crush swooning, but it’s a different thing entirely when we start to modify our behavior and spin our opinions in a way we know someone else will like. I know there have been plenty of times that I’ve been so sick of being single that I met a guy and just wanted things to work, so I’d resist expressing a contradictory opinion or sharing my own likes and interests because if I just liked what he did, then we’d automatically get along great.
If you do this, you aren’t just being deceptive to them. You’re depriving yourself of the amazing feeling of being unapologetically you. You’re fantastic. You’re wonderful. And if you like something, don’t ever hesitate to share it with all the gusto and passion you have when getting to know someone. It won’t always work out, but you’ll know with 100 percent certainty that when it does, it’s because it’s real.
The Most Important Kind of Love
It’s the most elusive, but also the most important: self-love. Without it, we can never truly be happy with anyone else. The first step toward fixing your relationships and salvaging your love life is learning to love the face in the mirror and the heart inside of you. That person is worthy of love, acceptance, and companionship. You don’t have to like everything about yourself to love yourself. You just have to learn how to see the beauty of all your imperfections and run with them.