10 Signs Of Commitment Phobia and What To Do About It
So…the good news is that you’ve met someone amazing. The bad news is that you’re not really sure where you stand with them. In this age, it can be difficult to suss out whether or not a relationship is worth pursuing. We’re so consumed with technology, our jobs, and our social lives that spending a lot of time with someone is a significant investment. How can you tell if your lover is as psyched as you are…or if they’re shying away from commitment? Here are some major, not-so-obvious signs that your beloved may have one foot out the door.
1. They refuse to acknowledge your relationship on social media…at all.
Now, no one should put their whole life online. However, there should at least be some social media smoke signals that your lover is involved with you. Whether they “like” your pics or retweet your band’s video, there should at least be a subtle hint of something. If they avoid such activity like the plague, then you have to wonder where you stand.
2. There is no “future talk.”
Generally, when we meet people we’re excited about, we find all sorts of things that would be fun to do together. Whether it’s bowling or a special pizza place, we want to share certain activities with them. When there’s no discussion about future activities, it may be because, quite simply, your partner sees no future to your relationship.
3. They disappear.
Commitment-phobes hate consistency. They don’t want you to “expect” anything from them, so sometimes you won’t hear from them for days.
4. Your lover treats you differently when they’re around their friends.
Now, this isn’t necessarily the worst thing ever. After all, they are bringing you around their friends. If they had absolutely no interest in you, this wouldn’t be the case. But taking a final step towards commitment requires showing respect and affection in front of friends.
5. They keep using the words “I” and “me” and there seems to be no “we” in sight.
Pay careful attention to pronouns. They speak volumes.
6. Their house is bare.
Because…things like houseplants, decorations and pets require a certain level of commitment.
7. All of their friends are single.
Your grandma was right! Birds of a feather do flock together, and commitment-phobes are notorious for hanging out with others of their kind.
8. There’s a certain past relationship pattern.
Did your new honey ever get cold feet after an engagement? Break off a lot of relationships after they started getting too serious? Heed the red flags!
9. Last-minute plans are their style.
Again, file this one under “expectations.” If someone is a commitment-phobe, they’ll often wait until the last minute to make plans with you. After all, locking down plans three days in advance is…(drumroll, please!) too much of a commitment!
10. They tell/show you they’re afraid of commitment!
Oprah’s referenced this classic Maya Angelou quote a million times, but it’s still a difficult one for people to swallow: “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Read the signs! Honor the reality of your situation.
Now that you know the signs, you may be wondering what your next steps should be. Here’s the thing; you’ll never know unless you ask. Communicate. As embarrassing as it may be, you need to ask your partner if they think you may have a future together. That’s the only way to truly know what your unique circumstances are.
If you get an answer that you don’t like, don’t be afraid to move on. As much as you may want to try, you can’t make someone love you. Take the higher road and love yourself by finding someone who wants to commit!
