How Not to Marry the Wrong Person
Edited By: Stephanie Dawson
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Focus more on character than chemistry
Love is a temporary psychosis. Never marry someone because you are in love. Identify specific character traits you want in a spouse and know how to clearly assess each one. Be especially careful to check out the family. Background checks are essential. Temperament types are essential to know.
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Don’t choose someone who is abusive
You’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions in an abusive relationship. In an abusive relationship you don’t feel safe. An abusive person is demanding, controlling, and/or communicates with anger and criticism.
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You communicate well
Before you get married make sure the two of you communicate well. Have confidence that together you can repair breakdowns and you work well together. Listen to each other and make it safe for each other to express feelings.
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Pressure
Feeling left out of the group may feel awkward, it’s not a good reason to jump into marriage. Marriage under pressure may lead to choosing the wrong person.
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Money
Though having money doesn’t hurt, it’s not the basis for a solid relationship and won’t hold together a bad union.
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Own up to what you need
As you look over the qualities in your partner consider their downsides and if you can handle them. Look for a partner who has all the inner-circle qualities and few of the outer ones, not the other way round.
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Choose a partner with common life goals and priorities
The basic ways we connect with a person are chemistry and compatibility, shared common interests and goals. Two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life’s purpose and the same priorities, values, and goals is the true definition of soul mate. Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provides.
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Don’t use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness
Marriage doesn’t fix personal, psychological, and emotional problems, it may exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. Your future spouse will thank you and you will feel better.
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Don’t expect your partner to change after marriage
The golden rule is, if you can’t be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don’t get married. Never marry potential. Make sure you can live with the other person’s spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits as they are now.
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Clear all issues
A discussion should be had about anything that bothers you in the relationship. The only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together is by bringing up uncomfortable stuff. Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you.
