I Was the Other Woman—but I Still Feel Sorrier for Myself Than for Her

I was the other woman. I met Noah* at a popular club one night as I was winding down from a stressful week of college. From the very moment our eyes locked across the room, a chemical attraction came over me. Dark and soulful, his gaze woke something up in me that I didn’t know was there. After talking to him for hours, first at the club and then at a late-night coffee bar, I knew that I had it bad. I had no idea that I would be the other woman at that point. Looking back on the whole ordeal, I still feel sorrier for myself than I do for her.

I Was the Other Woman—but I Still Feel Sorrier for Myself Than for Her

I knew that men are often prone to cheating, especially those in college. According to studies, men are 20% more likely to cheat than women. There are many reasons why people cheat on their partners. I also knew that Noah had a high school girlfriend that was in college two states away. I knew about her, but she had no idea about me. Did that stop me from spending every waking minute with Noah that I could? No, it did not.

Noah and I had one of the most invigorating and intoxicating relationships I have ever had. To this day I still wonder if I will ever feel the same sparks with someone else. His charisma and charm had me hanging on his every word. The times we spent in bed together are forever carved into my brain. Being with Noah was like being addicted to a drug- you know that it is bad for you, but you still keep doing it.

Being the side chick is a strange thing. You know that your man has someone else, but you can sometimes convince yourself that it doesn’t matter. The term “side-chick” has an extremely negative connotation to it, and I hated to dwell on it too much. I tried to convince myself that I was “not like other girls” and that what I was doing was okay. I told myself that she was having just as much fun with other men away at her own college. The lies I told myself only masked the guilt I felt over being the other woman.

These types of relationships are not destined to last. As much fun as I was having, we could not make it work out. Noah was still committed to his actual girlfriend and had no desire to leave her. After months and months of hooking up and spending nights together, it came to a fiery end over too much whiskey and cocaine. We were through. I was left alone while Noah still had his girlfriend to lean on, even though she had no idea what had happened.

After being the other woman for so long, I still feel sorrier for myself. Why? I had to endure being second-best at all times. She had no idea what happened to her, but I was left alone and miserable after the end of the relationship. Worst of all, I was left with the knowledge that I had been the “bad” one. It is still affecting my relationships to this very day.