9 Signs of an Insecure Partner and What to Do About It
At first the constant texts and phone calls seemed cute, but now it may be a bit too much. Could your partner be insecure about the relationship? Here are nine signs of an insecure partner and how to deal with it.
1. They always need your approval
This is a sign according to Joseph Nowinski in the Psychology Today article, “Is It Love, Or Is It Insecurity?” An insecure partner will constantly seek approval of their life from you. No amount of reassurance will help. They were insecure before you met them, and they’ll stay that way unless something changes.
2. They’re so jealous!
They’re jealous of what you achieve or do outside of the relationship. If you hang out with a friend instead of them, they’ll say you have no time for them. The same goes for a job. But it shouldn’t be a constant occurrence. If they’re jealous of your achievements or your friends, there’s a problem.
3. You’ll feel smothered
They must always be in your presence… even if you’re not doing anything interesting. They can be possessive and controlling when it comes to what you do and when. If your partner must know your whereabouts, contact you constantly, and complains when you go places without them, they’re insecure.
4. You’re not the only one they distrust
No matter how much your reassure your partner, they may still distrust you at times. This will manifest itself as criticism towards family and friends. Not only do they interpret the actions of others negatively, but they also respond negatively. Professor and psychologist Rick Nauert goes over this in a Psych Central article titled “Insecurity Undermines Relationship”.
5. You’ve always got to explain yourself to them!
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The need to gather information on you is a must! They need to know where you’re at, who you’re with and how long you’ll be. If you’re bombarded with questions after spending a few hours away and it happens constantly, you know what’s up. It may have nothing to do with you personally, but it’s still annoying. It can also mean your partner is controlling.
6. A social outing is a no-no without you
Your partner can smother you, not even meaning to. Latching on to you in public may seem cute at first, but soon it’ll become tiring. They’ll follow you everywhere, and your partner will beg you to accompany them on their outings.
7. You’re made to feel bad for not texting or calling back quick enough
“The insecure partner tends to be smothering, critical, and jealous,” quotes Joseph Nowinski in Psychology Today. For them, constant communication is a must. This is also associated with jealous tendencies.
8. They never shut up about their exes… or your exes
Due to having trouble loving themselves, they make it better by relating to other. In turn, they hold on to whatever happened between them and their ex, good or bad. If they talk about the former partner constantly and show interest in your ex, there’s a problem.
9. Constructive criticism is foreign to them
Some arguments are beneficial, and actually help a relationship thrive. Others leave you two going in circles and feeling defeated. Insecure partners can’t argue usefully because they can’t rationally look at their behavior and evaluate it.
How to Help Your Partner Overcome Their Insecurities
- Know partner’s feelings are real and not just a joke. Accept that they’re trying to satisfy emotional needs, though in the wrong way.
- Examine your behavior to make sure you’re not the issue. Behavior like failing to deliver on promises, flirting, or embarrassing the other in public can contribute to issues. You might not even be aware of what you’re doing.
- Make changes to your behavior to ensure trust between you and your partner.
- Prepare a meeting with your partner to discuss their insecurities. Let them know you will be there every step of the way to help.
- Let them know past experiences they had with other partners won’t be repeated.
- Show your partner affection, noting whether it’s emotional or physical affection they want.
- Keep any promises you make to your partner and set realistic expectations.
- Seek relationship counseling if all else fails.
Your partner can overcome their insecurities, but both sides must be willing to try.