5 Reasons Why Your Spouse Won’t Talk to You
Every married duo has occasional difficulty expressing their thoughts and feelings to one another. We are all busy people, and relationship maintenance may not always take center stage when all of the other responsibilities that we have overwhelm us. Even though relationships have peaks and valleys, communication breakdowns that continue for several weeks or months can have a serious negative impact and could even cause a separation or divorce. It is very important to discern the cause of the lack of conversation, and strive to fix it together. Here are a few possible reasons why your spouse won’t talk to you.
Unresolved Fights or Disagreements
Lingering anger or frustration might cause some spouses to lash out, but others might simply withdraw into themselves, depending upon how they deal with conflict. Previous fights that were not adequately settled can be a major source of tension for couples; by working together every few weeks to address the issue and attempt a resolution, both spouses recognize that the other one cares and is actively attempting to solve the problem. This honesty and transparency can go a long way, and will at least succeed in forcing the unresponsive spouse to talk about their needs and desires.
Inappropriate or Boring Conversation Topics
Married couples rarely think of how to address each other in conversation; they assume that after so many years together, words will flow naturally. This is simply not true. If your conversations with your spouse all revolve around family problems, your children, your house and your jobs, the desire for conversation may diminish. Couples who are stunted conversationally should try to talk often about common interests, or recent TV shows and movies that were watched together. Talking about hopes and dreams, or even about childhood memories, can help spur interesting and wide-ranging conversations that explore a number of different topics near and dear to the other person’s heart.
Personal Problems or Depression
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The conversational blockage issue may not lie with you: depression affects a massive number of adults and is one of the leading causes of spousal miscommunication. It is estimated that Major Depression affects over 15% of U.S. adults annually, according to a study commissioned by the National Institute of Mental Health. And it may be one of the reasons your spouse won’t talk to you.
Depressive episodes often cause people to withdraw, and many people experiencing depression have difficulty expressing themselves or relating to others. Talking to your spouse directly and honestly about depression is a good first step to take: you can go over symptoms together, agree to visit doctors or mental health professionals, and chart a path to recovery.
The time isn’t always right for an in-depth conversation. Try waiting for a time that the kids are out of the house, or when the two of you are alone in your bedroom at night. Any activity can turn into a date-like conversation; many people are uncomfortable having long and detailed conversations at home, so wait until you’re both relaxing in a public park or local restaurant until you try to make serious conversation. Having conversations outside of the traditional home confines could also improve the subject matter of the talk and take both of you out of your comfort zones – in a good way!
You Don’t Listen Enough
In order to have more frequent conversations, try actually… listening. One of the top complaints received in married couple surveys across the country is a failure by the other partner to listen. When your spouse is saying something, drop everything and focus your attention on them. Being listened to is an amazing feeling for many people, and better listening skills will result in a freer and more relevant back and forth.
Conversation should be the most natural thing in the world between two people who love one another – instead, it often feels like pulling teeth. Make sure to listen to your spouse and talk honestly and openly about any problems that you may have – your enjoyment of simple day-to-day conversations will skyrocket!