5 Fixes for Your Negative Relationship Habits
Habits in relationships are inevitable, both good and bad. Here are 5 habits to avoid.
1. Taking Advantage
The Habit: You worked late and don’t want to stop for gas. You decide to go home and let your Sweetie handle it. How thoughtful are you to let your Sugar-Buns have this opportunity to show you their love?
The Result: You haven’t filled the gas tank or made your own cup of coffee for 6 months. Your Love didn’t do these things with the expectation of getting something in return, but now you’re in the habit of not having to do for yourself. Your partner is feeling taken advantage of.
The Fix: Start showing a little more gratitude and curb your sense of expectation. This will stem the feeling of resentment that is most likely brewing in your partner.
2. There is No One You Can’t Fix
The Habit: Your Honey Bunny is always late for the annual insurance enrollment and can never get their taxes filed on time. You have a plan to help fix these flaws.
The Result: As a fellow Problem Solver I speak from experience when I say this is a slippery slope. Once you decide your partner is a problem to be solved, you send the message that they aren’t good enough.
The Fix: Support your partner in their life challenges or simply decide to accept their flaws. Either way, your partners change begins within, not with you.
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3. You’re A Score Keeper
The Habit: You think everything should be equal right down to the household chores. Your desire for equality is great, it’s the extremity of that desire that changes how your partner perceives you.
The Result: Being a score keeper can lead to resentment. Once you start putting tally marks on your relationship you create an environment where your partner feels judged and criticized, and you feel as though you’re always carrying the load.
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The Fix: Relax your idea of “equal”. Nothing is equal all the time. Instead of keeping score, expand your vision to include the big picture. Your relationship should feel balanced over time. Looking at just right now can lead to resentment and can cause you to lose focus on what your relationship is really about.
4. You’re As Cold As Ice
The Habit: You hate confrontation but you’re mad as ever. Instead of sitting down to address the issue you decide to give the cold shoulder to your partner who may or may not know they did anything wrong.
The Result: There is never any resolution without communication. By not addressing the issue you simply add another layer of contention creating resentment, confusion and anger.
The Fix: Take a deep breath and talk to your partner. The only way to move past your relationship issues is to talk about them.
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5. Let It Go Already
The Habit: Every time you and your partner argue, you bring up issues from the past. Issues that should have been laid to rest a long time ago.
The Result: Everyone has past actions or behaviors they wish they could erase. By dredging them up your partner is left feeling condemned instead of forgiven. This creates guilt and resentment and can often lead to your partner leaving in an effort to escape the past and be able to live in the present.
The Fix: Make the effort to truly forgive. Only then will you both be able to move on. Your partner has chosen to live their present with you. Leave their past transgressions in the past and focus on your future together.
We all have habits that others may find challenging. The key is to understand that every relationship is as much about your intention as it is about their perception. Understanding how others perceive us can aide in avoiding bad relationship habits.