I have always considered myself to be so blessed in my friends, and I am, but after becoming sick with a debilitating illness I learned a few things that surprised me. The first is that several of the people I considered to be really good friends did not call, come over, text, send a card, send an email on Facebook, or anything. I am still learning to get past this hurt, because I think it’s partly my own fault. I have always been the one to call and check in, to band everyone together to pitch in and send flowers, etc., I suppose the person who does that can’t expect to get it.
The next thing to surprise me was the outpouring of love and support from friends I didn’t realize cared that much, and how many people suffer from the same health problems I do. I am also blessed that my faith has not wavered, but only grown stronger. I pray every day to learn what lessons are being taught to me so that I can move on to the next step.
I cannot control how the people I love react, or don’t react, to me and my needs, what I can control is how I react to that. I have not quite decided how to handle that yet, I won’t cut people out of my life at this point, but I will stop calling them, messaging them, and putting myself out there to be hurt.
If I think someone is ignoring me that is very much on my mind I will put myself right in their path, maybe to be gone from their path would be more effective. I think everyone is as honest as I am and has good intentions, so I often forgive when no forgiveness has been sought. To forgive is a wonderful thing, but not to forget and start with a clean slate, if someone treats you with a complete lack of respect by all means forgive them, if only to take that ugliness out of your life, but remove yourself from the situation that continues to hurt you.
I have sworn, since I learned to love myself, that if a person makes me cry once it’s an accident, if it happens twice I should have moved out of the way. There is no excuse for letting a person hurt you in the exact same way a third time, and yet I have done it. When a person consistently hurts you it can damage fragile self-esteem, make you believe you are not worth honesty and respect, and you do. I do. I need it, I deserve it, I will demand it.
Even a healthy person can be hurt by people, to love is what makes us vulnerable, but to live without love makes us less than human. Each time we are hurt we learn something, about ourselves, about the type of person we attract, and more about the kind of person we want to be. For example, having been hurt by infidelity I would never be unfaithful myself. If you have seen the effects of lack of responsibility it may make you more responsible. Beware that you move on with grace and dignity, do not let bitterness and hatred take over your heart, breathe it out, live a life filled with grace and beauty.
There will always be people that will hurt you, but there will be more and more people in your life who will support and love you without wavering. You are loved more than you can ever imagine, from the Divine to the secular. Be better, not bitter. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride, it’s all going to be OK.
About the author:
MamaSteph has 2 kids by birth and several by love, she is a nurse and enjoys finding healthier ways to make comfort foods, gardening, enjoying nature, and living life to the fullest…For a list of her blogs please click here.