The ONLY Key to the True Desire
The happiest time in a relationship is at the beginning. Newlyweds are obsessed with each other. They can’t seem to spend more than ten minutes away without calling the other person. When they were dating, perhaps they spent hours on the phone sharing their most personal secrets and dreams. Without realizing it, these new couples were actively working on and achieving true desire. Over time, the magic of the relationship seems to dim, leaving the couple in a state of nostalgia. So, what’s the trick to keeping the sparks flying?
Mindfulness. Be Here Now.
It’s that easy. Mindfulness is making a decision to be present in the moment. Most importantly, it requires that one pays attention to one’s thoughts. Asking oneself what one feels can make a significant difference when interacting with your partner.
Often, it is easy to get caught up in work, children, money and family responsibilities. Couples feel as if they have drifted away from each other and are no longer important in comparison to the long list of responsibilities. Thinking of the future and the past to excess steals happiness.
The good news is that everyone can work towards being present. Over time this way of thinking becomes a habit, and one’s appreciation for the person they are with will soon increase.
One way to quiet the feeling of a fast life, with no enjoyment or love, is to start taking inventory. Pay attention to the small things one’s partner does on a daily basis.
A kind word, listening to one’s problems, helping with the household work, buying small gifts – these are all actions that one frequently takes for granted. Notice the simple things, instead of looking for grand gestures of love.
Communication is a Key
When one begins to notice the little ways their partner loves them, take the extra step and express gratitude verbally. Too many times one only thinks about how thankful they are without actually saying it. Affirming one’s love verbally creates a strong sense of true desire.
At the beginning of a relationship, the two most frequently said words were, “I love you,” and “Thank you.” Practicing these more in daily life to see a noticeable contrast.
What’s Really Happening?
To become close to one’s partner, one must be close to oneself. Anger and frustration are things that create distance. Understanding the real reasons why one would be upset, before blaming the person next to them, is critical.
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Perhaps there was a misunderstanding? Could the request had been made clearer? Are there other things in one’s life that are creating a sense of stress, outside of the relationship? These all must be taken into consideration. Research has found that even the closest relationships can fail due to high levels of stress.
As psychologist, Lori Gordon, wrote in her article in PsychologyToday, “We choose a partner hoping for a source of affection, love, and support, and, more than ever, a best friend.“ That creates a lot of pressure for one person to be all those things.
When one takes the time and effort to find happiness within themselves first, there is less disappointment and a sense of dissatisfaction. The relationship is now open to healing and forgiveness. Patience and understanding can instantly bring a sense of peace and closeness.
How to Love Oneself
Loving oneself is the journey of a lifetime, but well worth the work. To be proud of one’s personality, one’s soul, what makes one unique, is a treasure. It’s easy to try to find happiness in material possessions, food, and work, but the satisfaction is temporary.
“Mindfulness allows us not only to find a partner we actually love but also to serve that love, that relationship, rather than being enslaved by the constant craving for affirmation and external validation,” wrote Biet Simkin, Cofounder of Center of the Cyclone.
Simkin credits daily meditation and mindfulness to staying in tune with her inner sense of happiness. Meditation allows one to be alone with their thoughts. Dedicating time to be still, in the moment, reduces the feeling of fatigue with the outside world.
Being in a more serene state of mind allows the love to flow from one person in the relationship to the other. There is additional happiness to give if one is already happy.
Small Steps Daily Create a Big Difference
A strong sense of true desire and connection is not something that one gains overnight. Committing oneself to the act of thoughtfully working towards a better, deeper connection requires hard work and dedication.
The good news is that the work can start with one person. If one person in a relationship decides to change, for better or for worse, the relationship will change as a whole. The best scenario is that the other person feels the increase of love and is inspired to return it.
Mindfulness is the catalyst needed to transform any relationship. The ultimate goal is that the closeness grows, and the relationship can flourish for a lifetime.