5 Things You Should Definitely Ask For in Your Relationship
Fifty years ago, relationships were pretty well defined and the needs of both parties involved were known. Typically, the husband worked and financially supported the family, while his wife kept up the house and took care of the children. Gender roles were strictly defined, not allowing for much fluency for either person. In recent years, those roles have become essentially nonexistent, opening doors for all people to aspire to their dreams and not be confined to a small box. However, with the shattering of gender roles in modern relationships, more and more people are finding their needs not being fulfilled by their significant others. Why? Because those needs are not being stated out loud. Here are five things you should definitely ask for in your relationship to ensure your needs are being met and your relationship grows.
1. Money. Before my husband and I got together, he had a pretty nasty divorce, which resulted in bankruptcy. His ex-wife was supposed to be in charge of paying bills, while he was the main source of income. Needless to say, she didn’t pay the bills and suddenly collectors were knocking as his door. He had no idea she hadn’t paid the mortgage in months because there was no transparency of their finances. Regardless which of if one or both parties in a relationship is the breadwinner, you both need to know where the finances stand. For better or worse.
2. Honesty. I’m using this as a blanket term that covers everything from monogamy to feelings. You need to be up front with your partner about all aspects of your life, including your individual life. Yeah, of course mystery is exciting but if that mystery is tangled with dishonesty, it will poison the relationship. You should feel comfortable being honest with your significant other and asking for their honesty.
3. Closeness! Ever heard the idiom that actions speak louder than words? Lovemaking is an important part of a romantic relationship, acting as the physical representation of the love you two share. Often, this deteriorates as the relationship goes on, with excuses being made. Too tired, too stressed, not in the mood. You need to be able to ask your partner for lovemaking, regardless if you are the one that normally initiates. Be adventurous, bring that spark back.
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4. Alone Time. We have all had that friend, the one that disappears from social circles as soon as they enter a relationship. Both you and your partner need time apart, time to spend with friends or simply by yourself. Don’t become to entangled with each other that your friends combine your name, becoming a Brangelina or Bennifer.
5. Support. Sometimes when it rains, it pours. Life isn’t always the nicest person ever, so you need to be able to be each other’s support systems. Instead of taking it out on your significant other when you are having a bad day, ask for their help and love. Or, when you see the frustration brewing, be the one that offers comfort first. It’s hard to ask for help, especially in our darkest hours. Offer your hand in support before it is even asked for. And expect the same in return.
The overall theme is this… you need to have open communication for the relationship to be meaningful at the end of the day. Personally, that is one of the biggest obstacles I faced in my own marriage, opening myself up. I felt vulnerable, exposed to being hurt, so I closed myself off which made my husband feel I had closed my love off as well. Transparency about your needs and desires will only help you grow closer to your partner and blossom a beautiful, healthy relationship.