Here’s Why You Keep Falling Out of Love
You meet a great guy. You go on dates, take things at a slow, respectable pace and soon enough you’re official. Things should only be getting better from here, but as time creeps forward, that familiar sinking feeling permeates your gut and nags at the back of your mind. He’s not as cute as you thought he was. His jokes aren’t that funny anymore. You start sending his calls to voicemail and ignoring his texts, dreading the inevitable moment you’ll have to deliver your “We Need to Talk” speech.
If this all sounds familiar, then it’s time to get to the root of the problem. Figuring out why you keep falling out of love is the first step toward finding a solution that will allow you to find the happiness, acceptance and continuous love that eludes you.
In the beginning of a relationship, we have a lot of patience for our new beaus. Because we are viewing them through rose-colored lenses, we tend to overlook anything they do that may irritate us. However, as months go on, the level of infatuation decreases. At this point in a relationship, couples either enter a deeper form of attachment that we know as love or fall apart. If you find yourself suddenly hating everything your partner does, it could be a matter of no longer being blinded by the initial attraction. If his apologies seem less sincere and you’re no longer as convicted about your idea of a future together, this could actually be a sign that it’s time to move on instead of prolonging the relationship in hopes it will improve.
You No Longer Feel Adored
For many of us, especially those with emotional insecurities, the early stage of a relationship is the best because it’s the time when our love interest pursues us with an intensity that isn’t matched later on. We become accustomed to the ego boost sweet texts, gifts and showers of compliments provide. Once the flames of passion have dulled, we plunge back into a self-critical mindset and desperately crave new attention.
In order to determine whether or not the fault lies in your partner or your own insecurities, it is important to look inwards and assess your level of confidence. If you base your value off others’ opinions, especially your romantic partner’s, it’s very easy to get sucked into the habit of bouncing from one relationship to the next, perpetually caught up in the idea of a potential Happy-Ever-After rather than the reality of a true relationship.
It’s Part of Our Genetic Code
Countless studies have been done on the science of love, but more recently, psychologists and researchers have wanted to unlock the truth behind falling out of it. As revealed in a study published in the Review of General Psychology, human beings may actually be predespositioned to end relationships. Evolutionary psychologists have coined two terms for the process of a relationship ending and they are “primary mate ejection” – in which we actively choose to reject a partner – and “secondary mate ejection” – when one comes to terms with having been rejected.