10 Questions To Ask Before Getting Married
Wedding season is just around the corner and marriage should not be taken lightly. If you are planning to get married in the near future you may wonder if you are ready to get married.
Here are a few questions that may help you assessing your situation:
Why are you getting married?
Just because you have always wanted to get married is not reasonable. Figure out the reasons you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, and make sure their flaws are flaws you can live with.
How will you raise children? Or stepchildren, if one or both of you already have them
Discuss thoroughly as a team whether or not you want kids. If your answer is yes discuss how you will raise them. What are your expectations from your partner as a parent? Are you compatible enough to agree on parenting styles? Will one of you stay home with them? Which one?
How will you handle financial matters?
Who is going to pay for groceries, cable, the mortgage, utilities, insurance, phone, travel, entertainment, and child care? Will you divide expenses in half or according to an equitable schedule according to how much each person makes? Will you have joint or separate accounts or both? Marriage includes regular debts and responsibilities. You need to know how much you will be able to spend on your own without consulting your spouse, if you will discuss bigger items together.
What about your love- life?
You should discuss and plan your love life, if you are compatible in frequency and fidelity, how you will keep it fresh, and how you will handle changes. You should also thoroughly discuss boundaries and fetishes.
Will your partner be supportive?
Most of us want a partner who supports our hopes, dreams, and lifestyle we wish for. Make sure you agree about future education, places you want to live, and any major changes you hope for later.
Is it the right time?
Everything in life should take place at the right time for the people involved. If you cannot afford the life or wedding you want you can postpone it for a year or two, if you are getting married just because there is a baby coming make sure that you really love each other and want to be married to each other, it is possible to be effective co-parents without being married if that is not what you want.
How compatible are you?
You should share common goals and some interests to live a happy life together. If you do not agree on money, religion, politics, childcare, caring for aging parents, charity work, and how to spend free time it can cause friction. You do not need to agree on everything, but you do need to respect each other’s differences.
Do you trust him/her?
Trust is a basic fundamental of a healthy relationship. If they have proved untrustworthy in the past marriage will not suddenly change them. Be sure of your choice and be proud of your spouse.
Communication styles
Will you be able to communicate openly? How will you resolve disputes? Will you discuss everything daily or weekly? Decide how much space you need and how much you are ready to give.
What do you expect from marriage and from your partner?
Discuss openly what you both need and want from your relationship. Will you be able to live up to your partner’s expectations? Will they be able to meet yours? Marriage is an ongoing lifestyle, you must both be willing to grow and change your marriage as you grow and develop yourself, keep current with what your roles are and what you both want.
