Why am I Alone?
By: Andres Carvajal
Edited By: Stephanie Dawson
Being involved in a romantic relationship generally produces feelings of well-being and happiness. Loneliness can lead to depression and loss of self-esteem if there is no awareness of the situation.
Not having a significant other is not a synonym of being alone. There are moments when a person doesn’t want to be with someone until feeling secure and confident regarding their feelings. For other people, loneliness creates anguish and distress which may cause symptoms of depression.
The absence of a romantic partner can become a problem when we find certain situations:
• Confusing absence of a romantic partner with loneliness
• Difficulties dealing with breakups
• Involved in toxic relationships
• Fear of being in the same pattern
• Not feeling attractive
• Love myths “you only love once,” or “I need to find my soul mate ”
• Problems with communication skills or self-esteem, personality traits like narcissism, psychopathic traits, or manipulation
• Biased version of loss or breakup as personal failure
• Not accepting loss
• Indifference and coldness to others
Reasons for being alone
Some reasons people are afraid or don’t have luck in relationships is shyness, love deceptions, or negative experiences. Fear of rejection is a common fear that can lead to self-sabotage of the course of a romantic relationship. Some justify their loneliness or fear of commitment with physical or health problems, or low self-esteem. Some are truly happy in their single state and have no desire to change it.
Awareness of solitary state
• Try to understand why this situation is happening. Create an objective analysis and identify if you are self-sabotaging. Look for your desires and actions that are keeping you away from those desires.
• Ask for significant others, friends, and family their opinions about themselves and about their personal cases. You will find that you are not the only one suffering from loneliness, a void, or perpetual non-satisfaction. Realize that people who are involved in a relationship sometimes feel lonely and feel a void, a relationship is not a guarantee of happiness or support.
• Make changes in your routine, exercise and eat well, meditate, sleep well. Join community or recreational groups. Help others. Work on personal growth. Read. Stop procastinating. Eliminate toxic friends. Learn something new. Live your life with intensity, but think long-term perspective. Look for people with similar interests.
• Its important to realize that the absence of a partner is not necessarily confused with loneliness . This myth relies on ideas like: “being single is awful” or “being in a relationship equals happiness”
• If you keep thinking that you cannot achieve happiness because you are single, you will create an emptiness within yourself, not enjoying the moments and turning your thoughts and feelings into negativity that will poison your life. This false sense of unhappiness created by being alone will stop you from doing things that are usually done as a couple.
• Increase your self-confidence by standing alone. There is a stereotype that being alone is bad, society and other people make it negative, but you can still enjoy the sweet independent life. More time to enjoy for yourself, more time for your hobbies and habits, more time for personal growth. You create your own discomfort, don’t be afraid of being alone, if its positive or negative is up to you.