A New Model of Making Love
When was the first time you made love?
Hopefully you’re not thinking about that time you jumped in the backseat of a steamy windowed car with your high school sweetheart. No, when was that moment where your stomach knotted, your heart raced, and your throat tightened by a single touch from that special someone? For most people, this takes a little longer to answer. Sure, we remember our first love-making experience but not usually the first time we actually made love.
Starting in childhood, we have been conditioned to believe that love-making experience, specifically closeness, is what “making love” is. In a society where so much is $e*ualized, there still is a prudent undertone that does not allow for closeness to be thought of as a mutually pleasurable activity between consenting adults and solely for the purpose of expressing love physically. However, even with this societal notion that love-making should be synonymous with romantic love, it often isn’t. love-making, even between a happy couple, can become meaningless and not have any nuance of love. As a society, we need to move away from closeness being the only way to express love and back to the concept of making love, the actions that declare love without saying those three little words.
Making Love the Old Fashioned Way
I went to college in Los Angeles and, being from Idaho, it felt like I was bursting out of a pretty conservative bubble despite being raised by a liberal single dad. I distinctly remember going to a kitschy little shop and buying a pamphlet-book titled “How to Make Love,” a reprint of materials from back in the 1950s. Oh man, this will be hilarious and a great conversation starter, I thought, thinking I was so adult as so even need conversation starters at 20 years old.
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To my dismay, it was not a pamphlet on how people in the 1950s had love-making, it was how to show significant others that you loved them. Granted, it is a bit old-fashioned for modern day couples, but the basis of the content rings true.
Taking Tips from the Past
As I previously mentioned, the conditioning that love-making is the only means of revealing one’s love for another is very ingrained in our psyche. It is an easy conclusion to make that many young people in today’s society may feel it necessary to engage in love activities to show one’s affections when they possibly were not quite ready. By altering our perceptions on what making love is, we can alter the ways we physically express our feelings. I distinctly remember the moment where I really felt I was making love. At the time I was studying overseas in the capital of the Czech Republic, Prague and met a Czech boy. We had already been connected physically before moving into a relationship. However, one night we were walking through the cobble stone streets, holding hands and laughing over something I don’t even remember. I looked up at him, saw his eyes twinkling in the moon light and we kissed. That moment was when my throat squeezed tightly, my heart felt as if it was going to burst free, and I couldn’t think. From then on, every time we held hands, kissed, or he put his arm around me while watching a movie, we were making love.
Don’t Apologize for Making Love
Even while writing this, I wanted to apologize for revealing that tender moment because it might be deemed cheesy. Why is it we feel the need to apologize for anything considered romantic, but not when it’s $e*ual? This is all part of the conditioning, the hyper-$e*ualized prude that is today’s society. We blow off romantic gestures as feminine, something for men to be embarrassed about. If closeness becomes a meaningless action in a relationship, the !ntimacy alters to the everyday actions that show we can. Running your hand along your loved one’s back as you pass, kissing each other good-bye, holding hands while on walks, those become the true meaning of making love and, at the end of the day, are the true expressions of our deep love for another.