This Short Word Is Killing Your Relationships And What You Can Do About It
At the soul level, everyone holds the desire to be known and loved for who they are. Depending on the person, the holidays can either be a time of joy, love and happiness or it can be a time of depression, anxiety and loneliness. The holidays have a way of bringing people together and/or showing people how alone they truly are. While there are plenty of ways people can end of alone, in the Western culture, one of the most popular ways people kill relationships is through being busy all the time.
Whenever a person admits to being busy and not able to connect with family members or friends, this action communicates rejection and a lack of importance to the other party. People will naturally make time for what is most important to them. At the core, it’s never really about being too busy, it’s about where something or someone else lands on the list of priorities.
Being busy forces, people to lose touch. People need to feel connected to one another. This doesn’t just apply in a figurative sense. As the Executive Editor of Berkeley’s Greater Good newsletter, Dacher Keltner notes how the primary language of compassion for one another is human touch. A person who is a busy body loses the connection and the relationship suffers and ultimately dies.
Additionally, maintaining a relationship with a person who is always busy is incredibly draining. Some personalities will try not to take it personally or as a rejection of who they are. However, it is hard not to. It is understandable for a person to desire connection and mutual effort in building a healthy relationship.
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So, in this day and age of fast-moving technologies, texting and social media, how does a person stay connected and avoid getting caught up in the “busy” syndrome? There are few things to consider:
1. Begin to re-prioritize.
As previously mentioned, a person is never too busy. They just simply make it clear what’s most important on their list by what they choose the do first. If work is more important than children, many people will hand their children off the nannies to the point where children don’t even know their parents. A brilliant cry to parents in an article on Cambridge Community Television begged parents not to pass on their responsibility to someone else. If being in a relationship with a child isn’t a priority, don’t have kids. If being in a relationship with other friends isn’t a priority, make that clear so they can move on.
2. Have the courage to say NO!
If the relationship is worth saving and holding on to, begin to decline other opportunities or manage responsibilities differently in order to maintain the relationship. It is easier said than done, but at the core, it really is that simple.
3. Create margin.
In many cases, people are busy and also extremely fatigued. Sometimes, a phone call would make another person’s day, but after a long day of work and sitting in traffic, the last thing most want to do is anything that doesn’t involve their bed. Commit to scheduled downtime. Revive and rejuvenate self. Once a regular routine and respect for margin is created, it is much easier to connect and flow on a higher level of energy.