Things You Need to Know Before You Commit To Someone
Choosing to share life with another person, in this case, a potential spouse is a major decision, a life-changing decision, and a daily decision. There are many things to consider and to understand before saying “I Do”.
Being “in love” is the easy part. It’s important to understand that the “in love” feeling won’t be the same every day. It will change during life’s challenges. Challenges and conflicts about children, finances, religion, in-laws, and so on can bury that “in love” feeling. For the couple to navigate successfully through challenges and conflicts, it is important for them to decide on what foundation they will build their marriage. If the foundation is of poor quality or not there at all, “in love” will not keep the house from falling.
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Being fully committed to each other is not a one-time decision. It is a daily decision. Threatening to walk away or to walk away from the relationship each time things get tough, even when dating, is an indicator of the level of commitment.
Perspective is another factor to consider. What do the potential spouses believe about marriage? Is she to share his life with him? Is he to share her life with her? Or are they to blend and build a new life together? What does each of them think is the role of the husband and the wife? Again, there are many things to consider and to understand before saying “I Do”. Here is a list of seven considerations:
1. Talk to each other about significant matters. If the couple discusses significant matters (i.e. values, goals, etc.) before marriage, they can discover whether they share enough similar values and beliefs to share life together successfully. If not, as painful as it may be, ending an engagement is much less heartbreaking than ending a marriage.
2. What does each person believe? For the couple to navigate successfully through challenges and conflicts, it is important for them to decide on what foundation they will build their marriage. For example, if one of them is a Christian, and the other is an atheist, what principles and values will they live in their home?
3. How does each person respond to stress? Being fully committed to each other is not a one-time decision. It is a daily decision. Threatening to walk away or to walk away from the relationship each time things get tough is not a full commitment. Does the future spouse have the habit of quitting? No long- term friendships or a lack of long- term job histories may indicate a quitting habit.
4. Perspective is another factor to consider. What does each of them think is the role of the husband and the wife? Ask him! Ask her! If she is not willing to do what he thinks a wife should do and vice versa, they probably should not marry.
5. Money matters. According to one statistic report, (and there are many reports with this same finding), money is the number one relationship argument. This same report found that 88% of women find the money to be very important in a relationship. Take note of how the spouse-to-be spends money. Are creditors always calling? Does the spouse-to-be have a savings account?
6. Physical or emotional abuse a possibility? How does the future spouse behave when angry? If he or she is abusive before marriage, it is likely to become worse during the marriage. It is a myth that this behavior will suddenly change after the ceremony.
7. Marriage history is important because it may include an ex-spouse, alimony, children, and child support. There are also statistics showing that the divorce rate increases with each subsequent marriage.
Asking the tough questions before saying “I do” may be painful, but it can eliminate much heartache in the long run.
Asking the tough questions before saying “I do” may be painful, but it can eliminate much heartache in the long run.
