The One Thing Keeping You From the Life You Want
Edited By Stephanie Dawson
Some people see happiness or happy moments as utopia, they refuse to be positive and think they only deserve leftovers from life. There are theories that justify suffering as a previous stage to happiness, stating character is built from suffering, so if a person suffers happiness is the reward. This view often comes from religious point of views that predicate happiness as the consequence of suffering.
Behaviors and thoughts are sometimes redirected to sabotage one’s own happiness, so that feelings of unworthiness can set in. People often think they don’t deserve love or happiness due to low self-esteem. Self-hatred is often a mechanism in depressed people or people with low self-esteem, related to lack of self-acceptance.
We live in society with a lack of trust, sometimes even toward our own families, especially in the romantic area. Sometimes people have a life without loving someone or having significant others, taking lover after lover, looking for positive affirmation from others and unconsciously looking for what they think they deserve. They look for failure in relationships and for mediocre jobs and procrastinating habits, afraid of success or failure and sometimes afraid of trying.
The root of self-hatred takes us to childhood, to our parents or friends. The first step to healing destructive feelings of unworthiness and self-hatred is to first have the intention of healing, this often begins when people are at their lowest point. Forgiveness and acceptance are the tools needed to conquer self-hatred. Deciding to change requires a conscious purposeful series of changes looking for authentic love, love for others and for yourself.
Societal standards are often high and inflexible. The love for little things and moments of joy are what really matters, flowers growing in a park, the sun on your face, laughter with friends. Gratitude toward what you already have makes everything better. A healthy person always gets some happiness from the happiness of others.
Following is a mantra that may help you deal with any self-hatred. You can repeat some phrases of it, or remember the main point:
I deserve love.
I let love dwell inside me.
Love is given, not earned.