I have always been of a nurturing character, I take care of myself, and anyone else who happened to come along. I took care of my sister, my grandma after her heart attack, babysat for dozens of families, my own kids, and husband, my kid’s friends, the nursing assistants I worked with, all the people who worked with me at the bar, plus many years of patients, that’s how I became Mama Steph.
There have been times, especially over the last year, when I have had to ask for help, that is very hard for me. I am a caretaker, not a person who gets taken care of. Since I am unable to put on socks most days, or shoes that tie or zip, I have to ask for help with that. Because I am unable to work in my chosen profession any longer I have had a multitude of financial problems, and I have had to learn to ask for help with that
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It seems that if things start looking up then I lose something else so I can never catch up. It makes no sense to me. I have started to get mad when people talk about karma, because I am sure I don’t deserve this.
So often, when I am forced to ask for help, I am stunned and saddened by how little is forthcoming. People that I thought would never turn away have turned. Friends that I thought I had made for a lifetime have stopped calling and don’t return calls, it’s all very strange.
It serves to remind me that the only person you can count on is yourself, and I don’t really trust myself with that, I rely on God and hope to see the path He has created for me. When things go well I think I am following His will, but quite often when things go badly I am pretty sure I am doing what He wants also.
I am trying to expect less from people, so that I am not so disappointed, and expecting more from myself, I am a rather strict taskmistress, and a bit of a perfectionist, in other words, I have a tendency to be too hard on myself, and not trusting enough for good things, it’s all a growth process, every day I pray to be a little better than I was yesterday.
About the author:
MamaSteph has 2 kids by birth and several by love, she is a nurse and enjoys finding healthier ways to make comfort foods, gardening, enjoying nature, and living life to the fullest…For a list of her blogs please click here.
