7 Ways To Fight Fair With Your Partner
Maintaining relationships can be challenging, even with the most compatible of partners. Everyday tensions and matters of both large and small importance are likely to surface in most peoples’ lives. These events can lead to arguments that can escalate into bitter fights. Finding constructive ways to resolve differences can be difficult, but if you maintain a sense of fairness during the discussion, you can avoid many of the most troubling traps and work to a point of agreement. Scott Stanley, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies, believes that fighting fairly can strengthen a relationship, by allowing people to work out their grievances in a safe and respective environment.
Here are a few tips for maintaining a fair fight with your partner:
· Leave Old Business Behind – Avoid the temptation of bringing up old issues that have occurred in the past. This action can help you to stay focused on finding a solution for the current problem.
· Deal With Only One Issue – Related to the problem of bringing up old business is the tendency to throw everything on the table for discussion. Doing this just creates more confusion and hostility so that nothing gets resolved.
· Don’t Attack Special Vulnerabilities – It is likely that you know all the special sensitivities of your partner. Do not use this knowledge to attack or manipulate your partner. Keep the fight clean, on topic and without malice.
· Don’t Go Silent – The “silent treatment” is an old tactic that does not move the discussion forward or work toward finding a solution. Avoid the impulse to clam up and walk away.
· Don’t Exaggerate – Keep your perspective. Don’t blow the problem up to a bigger size than it is. Have confidence that your partner is willing to find a reasonable solution.
· Don’t Play the Gender Game – Recent studies with same-gender couples indicate that their arguing patterns are more egalitarian. Without the expectation of traditional gender roles, they argue on a more equal basis.
· Be Willing To Make Small Concessions – Making small concessions shows your partner you are willing to see the other side and work to preserve the balance in the relationship.