Forgiveness can be a difficult topic, there is no wrong way, and no right way to forgive someone, or to forgive ourselves. The forgiveness itself is the essential piece no matter how you do it. Don’t ever think in terms of someone “deserving” your anger, or your hatred, or your revenge.
Holding on to hate will hurt you much more than it hurts the person you are hating, it creates stress, wrinkles, and can change your personality. After my divorce I was carrying around a lot of anger, I didn’t even know how much until I let it go… it was such a cleansing experience, I cried for hours. My kids used to call me “Old Yeller” because I was always mad about something, which was hurting them and hurting me.
To decide someone “deserves” your anger also places you in judgment, it is not your place to judge, not even of yourself. Self-loathing creates a multitude of problems as well, including but not limited to; depression, hypertension, anxiety, obesity, and ulcers.
There are several ways to forgive someone, I like a visual so to write all their wrongs on a piece of paper, then burn the paper is quite cleansing. You could also put them in a bottle and send them out to sea (the ocean has no memory) or bury them in your backyard, the essential part of the exercise is letting them go, and fly away into the wind where they can cause no harm to anyone, especially you, because you don’t deserve to carry that around.
Does anyone remember the old story of an old woman hunched down in chains, and when love is offered she is young, beautiful, and free? That is honestly how it feels, forgiveness is nothing more than love, love being offered no matter what. If you can’t bring yourself to love a person that has wronged you, at least love yourself enough to let it go. Love yourself enough to not want to carry those heavy burdens of hate chaining you to the ground.
Forgiveness can take a long time, you may have to “let it go” more than once, but the end results will be worth it. Make your life as beautiful as you can. Be grateful that you have a heart big enough to forgive. It’s your life, live it as freely as you are able. Your steps will be lighter, your heart will be happier. You cannot change the past, but every second of every day you are given the opportunity to start with a fresh new outlook. Live well, live wisely.
About the author:
MamaSteph has 2 kids by birth and several by love, she is a nurse and enjoys finding healthier ways to make comfort foods, gardening, enjoying nature, and living life to the fullest…For a list of her blogs please click here.