A Personality Trait of Your Partner that Affects Your Romantic Life
Meeting a man who strives for perfection sounds like the dream, but a new study by the University of Kent revealed that women whose partners are all about being the best may be more likely to suffer from dysfunction under the sheets. In the study, 366 women under the age of 30 took surveys that they believed investigated whether or not their expectations and beliefs about being intimate could impact their physical encounters and romantic life.
The researchers behind the experiment took the results and broke them down into four categories: self-oriented (the standards that the women placed on themselves), partner-oriented (standards that your partner places on themselves), partner-prescribed (standards they felt their partners placed on them), and socially prescribed (standards that they felt were put on them by society). The results revealed that women who rated their partner-prescribed standards as perfectionistic were more likely to suffer from dysfunction in the bedroom and have an overall lower quality of satisfaction with their partner.
That was only the beginning. Women who felt that their partners were striving for perfectionism together were also found to have less self-esteem and more anxiety relating to romantic activities. This means that a partner who strives to be perfect in their relationship isn’t making it so, but instead casting unrealistic expectations onto their significant other that leaves them feeling insecure and inadequate.
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What It Means
Those of us who don’t suffer from this problem may think it can simply be shrugged off, but the truth is almost everyone has experienced a feeling of anxiety in relation to pleasing their partner at some point in time. The more we care about someone, the happier we want them to be. When we’re in a committed relationship, the desire to please them transfers to all aspects of the relationship, including physical pleasure.
Women who feel as if their partners aren’t able to be pleased in the bedroom won’t rationalize that they are worthy in many other regards. Although they may be emotionally close, their bond seems to disintegrate when their clothes come off and all they can think about is upholding their partner’s ideals.
Feeling this way takes away from the entire reason behind getting physical in a relationship and over time can evolve into deeper self-esteem and emotional issues. Although our self-worth should never be grounded in our physicality, it’s an undeniable fact that our partner’s views have a powerful impact on our own self-image.
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What Can Be Done
The best thing to do if your significant other is a perfectionist is to talk to them. Like any problem in a relationship, the best way of dealing with it is open and honest communication. However, the key in this scenario isn’t to just blurt out how unsatisfied you are in bed.
Instead, sex to find ways that you can encourage your partner to loosen up and become more spontaneous. Start with compliments. Let them know that it’s great how passionate they are before telling them that there are new things you’d like to try. This will grant you greater control over the situation and put you in the position of power.
Of course, some partners may not get the hint and in that case, it will be time for an honest talk. Without putting them down, tell them that you don’t feel comfortable as you want to be with them and that you want to work this out together. If they’re the right person for you, they’ll sympathize and do what they can to make sure that your time together is never anything but wonderful. If they put you down, start dropping comparisons or respond insensitively, then there’s a deeper problem that needs to be addressed. Someone who can’t nurture you emotionally doesn’t deserve you in any other aspect.
Confidence is Key
When it comes down to it, the only person whose standards you should seek to meet are your own. These should be formed based off the person you are and who you want to be, not who others make you feel you should become. Whether it’s a partner, society or anyone else, their expectations are not meant to mold your self-esteem.
Working on building up your self-confidence in ways that are most effective to you is another way to combat the stress and unease that can accompany having a perfectionistic partner in the bedroom. Stay true to you, stay honest with them, and you’ll be able to find a middle ground that leaves you both happy.