By Selina M. Almodovar of Well Said Living
Have you ever heard of the expression, “I’m single and ready to mingle”? It’s quite popular and often used to lure recent breakup victims to get back in the dating game as a way of moving on.
But what if you’re not quite ready to move on? Rather than to catch a sudden rebound, it may be wiser to simply stay single and focus on yourself.
While this may be the best move for you, staying single to focus what’s good for you can be difficult when you may be easily distracted by thinking of other people a little too often.
Is it necessary to get totally isolated with yourself in order to get back in tune with yourself after a breakup?
The answer is complicated, quite honestly.
You’re not going to be totally isolated and alone during this season. While your heart is in the right place, your desire for wanting to be with someone, sharing your time with someone and constantly thinking about someone is a learned behavior.
So, whatever was learned from your past relationship will have to be unlearned. And this may require a little more time than you think.
I was NOTORIOUS for falling into this situation.
I would go through a HUGE breakup with a long-term boyfriend and I suffered a terrible grieving process that my friends had the misfortune of supporting me through.
As soon as I decided to focus “on me”, I would get distracted by placing all of my attention on some other person. Even if I knew the hookup would never be serious, my focus always steered towards someone new instead of myself or my friends who cared about me.
This probably drove my friends insane. And I don’t blame them.
I was always the girl who had to hang out with guys in order to have a “fun” time. To me, the art of mingling was the right thing to do. Having a night of just enjoying my girlfriends was never “exciting” enough.
Because I was notorious for having rebounds and being known as the “boy-crazy” girl, I never fully lived up to my “season of self-love”. I made a lot of mistakes in the meantime, may have hurt some great friendships along the way, and I wasn’t able to fully repair my broken foundation from my previous breakup.
Staying distracted on others before staying focused on myself lead to wasted time, a tarnished reputation, and a very hurtful season.
I strongly suggest that You. Do. Not. Do. That.
If you are looking for a way to NOT fall into the wrong relationship and would like to live out a lifestyle that you would absolutely love (and deserve to have), then there are a couple things you can to help you go in the right direction until you’re ready to get back into the playing field.
Stay away from places that would draw you into a situation you do not want to be a part of.
If going out to clubs, bars, cocktail hours, or certain time periods at the gym would cause you to unintentionally flirt, mingle, and seek attention from other guys, then you’ll want to keep your distance from those places.
Yes, doing this might lead to a few Friday nights alone. That’s actually a good thing if you have self-care things in place and are able to use that free time focused on the things you would like to do instead, such as taking care of yourself.
Surround yourself with self-love.
Listen to a podcast that gives you inspiration. Read (or listen) to books that will focus on new beginnings. Add a few more slots into your schedule that will allow you to spend more time with your family and friends.
By doing these things, you’ll be surrounded completely by self-loving thoughts that will protect yourself in all angles. Most importantly, you’ll be guarding your heart which is ultimately the thing that you should want to do during this time.
Adding these practices to your post-breakup lifestyle will keep you safe and free from those mingle distractions and clear of any unwanted flings.
The more self-care practice you perform, the more chances you’ll have at finding the one thing that will resonate with you the most. This can ultimately help you make you stronger at heart and mind so that you can make the right relationship choices in the future.
It is easy to be single and not mingle? No. Consider this move an investment period to completely “renovate” yourself from the inside out. After a season of remodeling yourself, you’ll be stronger than ever and totally ready for a relationship upgrade.
Coach Selina M. Almodovar, Well Said Living www.wellsaidliving.com
In order to live a life you absolutely love, you gotta know WHO YOU ARE, and WHAT YOU STAND FOR. Need some tips on how to start moving towards a life you love? Get her FREE E-Guide to get the first 4 Steps for “Letting Go” and “Moving On” for good! Coach Selina offers personal and online coaching services, and a weekly show on YouTube, where she talks about relationships and lifestyle every Wednesday and Friday. She also promotes doTERRA Essential Oils, as a natural way of living. Learn more about her by visiting her website at: www.wellsaidliving.com, or follow her socially, through Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest .